For many (including myself), Christmas is a difficult holiday. We may embrace the concept, appreciate the sentiment and decorate the tree, but this does not guarantee that we will experience the holiday spirit that seems so seemingly effortless for the communities that surround us. It is only when we are able to embrace our current circumstances, the emotions that accompany them and the journey that brought us to this point that we are able to fully appreciate the gift of this revered day.
This is my first holiday season without both of my parents. For the first time, I realized that I am orphaned. With no spouse/partner or children, I am missing the identity that was so often the foundation of my life. I am no longer “a son.” I am simply me.
In the midst of the festivities, I find myself feeling hollow, yearning for a Christmas that may have (in fact) never existed. I breathe through the sadness, wipe away my tears and redirect my attention to the blessings that remain evident in my life. I am here. Unlike so many, I have the gift and privilege of still walking on this planet. I had the luxury of two parents who (in the midst of their own flaws) loved me despite my many imperfections.
Christmas represents the birth of a new found awareness, a power and possibility—an awakened consciousness for new beginnings. We have an opportunity to receive the gift of the spirit of this day in the midst of the upheaval that may be our lives and direct our attention to that which we have yet to create.
It is OK that I don’t wish to sing. It is OK that I don’t feel comfortable attending your party. It is OK that I did not hang a wreath or put up a tree. It is OK to be sad…for now. I can still appreciate what is, what has been and the glimmers of hope for the days that have yet to unfold. I can allow the Christmas spirit to meet me right where I am, knowing that this too (like all things) shall pass.
Success or sabotage? Sometimes it is important to remember that the greatest gift for our success is the fact that we have been awarded another day to attain it.
Is this going to be an incredible day? I will take this day and receive it with all of the good that is offered, realizing that where there is breath, there is possibility.
Thank you to all who take the time to read my musings here and elsewhere. Your time, attention and support do not go unnoticed. I wish you the best and brightest holiday season. If you are one that celebrates (or one that can simply appreciate the sentiment): MERRY CHRISTMAS! Sending you love from Chicago.